Goodbye, my Love.

I'm terribly bad at breaking up with people. It's hard for me, and I imagine for everyone else, to say goodbye to the people I love. When I knew Adam and my relationship was over, I still decided to hang on, for love. Numerous poisonous friendships in my life went on for too long because I was willing to forgive too much. And today, when I was supposed to "break up" with a guy Ive never dated, the most I did was remain silent as he walked out the door.
I guess, as an excuse, I could say he sprung it on me a day early. In the final act of assery I allowed him, he decided to cut our visit short 24 hours sooner than need be, not knowing it was the last time we would be visiting in this context. If we happen upon each other's company again, I will not sleep with him.
Yet, as poisonous, disastrous, and harmful as our quasi relationship was, as crazy, irrational, and hateful he made me, I couldn't look him in the eye and say, "it's over." how could I expect him to react to "I still really want to be friends," when we had never been defined as anything more? What could I say? "I'm never sleeping with you again, but stay in touch"? How could I expect someone so important to me to ever want to hear my name again after that.
But I'm being resolute about this. Maybe it's fitting, after the clock struck midnight, and the year was officially 2012, my resolution would be forced upon me on the 1st and not the 2nd. And this is it. No more sex with Javan. No more letting him have that hold on me. I have far better and more stable, more respectable options, who are here in town.
It'll make it easier getting through the next few weeks remembering that he really was extremely harmful to my mental health. And, my option in town seems so far to be very beneficial to my mental health....(: