It reminds me of snow melting and meeting a boy in the lounge playing pool and spending hours at that pool table getting to know him. It reminds me of making sure I never walked out of the door of Stevens Hall Room 412 without my hair doe and at least a little bit of eyeliner. It's the smell of the first kiss, at that pool table, how drunkenly happy you were to be graduating. It's the memory of your drunken smile. "I just am so proud of myself.. I just.. I just.. Can I just give you a hug?" It reminds me of giving you my number that night, excitedly telling Chelsea that I was dying for you to call me. Or text me. And want me. It reminds me of our first date, when we went and saw Insidious and you were too nervous to hold my hand. It reminds me of screaming exactly 3 times during that movie, and instinctively grabbing your arm in fright, then quickly letting go because I was too nervous to hold your hand, too. It reminds me of that awkward hug at the end of the night and thinking "damn, he didn't kiss me..." It reminds me of you coming up to my room for three minutes just to say goodnight, several nights. It reminds me of sitting in your bed holding hands and watching movies on your computer. Its the smell of wearing my hottest outfit and smiling because I knew you'd see me that day. It reminds me of sitting at the picnic table outside of Steven's Hall while you played catch with other boys and I read Jodi Picoult novels. It reminds me of Corde saying "you're a classy lady," and then him avoiding me from then on because you pretended to be pissed he was hitting on "your girl." It reminds me of the freedom, laughter and happiness of being able to throw a ball around in front of Stevens Hall.Those moments were the most liberating and exactly when I first became too invested in you and I becoming an us. With spring pushing through the last grip winter had on Fairbanks, Alaska, I began to fall in love with you because of a simple game of catch. It's the smell of our last night together, and our last date the next day. It's the memory of being so sickly from stress, because I was leaving for California and I was scared of the us I had created falling apart. It's the memory of waking up in the Seattle airport to my favorite text, ever. "Missing you, Miss Watson..." I fell in love with being Miss Watson. Over the next two weeks you told me you missed me with such a fervor that I believed. Then one late June day, back home, I lost my Wet N' Wild Lipgloss/Chapstick. One day, I lost my chapstick and I lost you. Every once in a while, I'd find in the mess of my room, and every once in a while I found you in the mess of my summer. When school started back up, my chapstick came back, but things had changed. The damage was done. Still my favorite chapstick. You and I still cling to what was there, what could be there if we figured out and repaired our damage.
Not that I am so silly to believe that using this chapstick every day could bring you back to me, but when I do use it on days like today, it brings back strong memories of snow melting in Fairbanks, Alaska, and falling in love in the middle of a game of catch during the spring of 2011 outside of Stevens Hall.
It reminds me of snow melting and meeting a boy in the lounge playing pool and spending hours at that pool table getting to know him. It reminds me of making sure I never walked out of the door of Stevens Hall Room 412 without my hair doe and at least a little bit of eyeliner. It's the smell of the first kiss, at that pool table, how drunkenly happy you were to be graduating. It's the memory of your drunken smile.
ReplyDelete"I just am so proud of myself.. I just.. I just.. Can I just give you a hug?"
It reminds me of giving you my number that night, excitedly telling Chelsea that I was dying for you to call me. Or text me. And want me. It reminds me of our first date, when we went and saw Insidious and you were too nervous to hold my hand. It reminds me of screaming exactly 3 times during that movie, and instinctively grabbing your arm in fright, then quickly letting go because I was too nervous to hold your hand, too. It reminds me of that awkward hug at the end of the night and thinking "damn, he didn't kiss me..."
It reminds me of you coming up to my room for three minutes just to say goodnight, several nights. It reminds me of sitting in your bed holding hands and watching movies on your computer. Its the smell of wearing my hottest outfit and smiling because I knew you'd see me that day.
It reminds me of sitting at the picnic table outside of Steven's Hall while you played catch with other boys and I read Jodi Picoult novels. It reminds me of Corde saying "you're a classy lady," and then him avoiding me from then on because you pretended to be pissed he was hitting on "your girl."
It reminds me of the freedom, laughter and happiness of being able to throw a ball around in front of Stevens Hall.Those moments were the most liberating and exactly when I first became too invested in you and I becoming an us. With spring pushing through the last grip winter had on Fairbanks, Alaska, I began to fall in love with you because of a simple game of catch.
It's the smell of our last night together, and our last date the next day. It's the memory of being so sickly from stress, because I was leaving for California and I was scared of the us I had created falling apart.
It's the memory of waking up in the Seattle airport to my favorite text, ever.
"Missing you, Miss Watson..."
I fell in love with being Miss Watson. Over the next two weeks you told me you missed me with such a fervor that I believed. Then one late June day, back home, I lost my Wet N' Wild Lipgloss/Chapstick. One day, I lost my chapstick and I lost you. Every once in a while, I'd find in the mess of my room, and every once in a while I found you in the mess of my summer.
When school started back up, my chapstick came back, but things had changed. The damage was done. Still my favorite chapstick. You and I still cling to what was there, what could be there if we figured out and repaired our damage.
Not that I am so silly to believe that using this chapstick every day could bring you back to me, but when I do use it on days like today, it brings back strong memories of snow melting in Fairbanks, Alaska, and falling in love in the middle of a game of catch during the spring of 2011 outside of Stevens Hall.