I don't know how to deal with this. Everybody who's ever seen me for the past four years has known that you are my best friend, and that we've been friends for years. I was your first friend here in Fairbanks, even if you didn't know it. How could we both not know that from the time I told you that you looked like Hannah that almost six years later we'd be saying goodbye to each other in tears. It's been the best of times, and it's been the worst of times, and we made it through side by side. Now you're off to a new life, one that I've expected since day one, and I don't know when I'm going to see you again.
"Someday we'll meet up again, when you're a head doctor and I'm a paramedic with free schooling." Yeah, but I want to see you before then. "We will. Weddings, birthing of chilluns, you know." Just come back to me, ok?"I'll do my best." I love you. "I love you too, kiddo."
You read that letter ahead of time, prick. Just know that I'll always love you and you'll always be an important part of my life. I hope you stay safe and I hope you get the most out of basic that you possibly can. Try not to miss me too much ;)

The Poison.

And you'll fall down a hole.
That's the one place we both know
You take me with you if you could, but I wouldn't go
I guess sometimes we both lose our minds, to find a better road.


I've said it all already. So many times! I deserve the respect I'm asking for. I don't know how to say it any other way. I don't know how to ask you to love me anymore. In one way I suppose it could be comforting that she knows how much you love me. But I need to be the one who knows. I need that assurance. She's not part of this relationship. This is you, and this is me, and this is us. I'm not willing to give up my best friend and first love with out a fight, so be prepared. And now more than ever, I need to know that we are going to work. So do what you can, because I'll go down fighting, but I won't fight forever.

It's just that...

I'm madly in love with you,
and you're my best friend.
And granted we're not perfect, and I'm legitimately angry.
My grandfather says "there's plenty of other fish in the sea..."
Which is true.
But no other fish is my best friend like you.
And I don't love anyone else like I love you.
And if it weren't for those two things,
It'd be easy.
But it's just those two things.
Simple, complicated things,
that make it impossible
for me to just let go.

What part of MINE can't you respect?

There's boundaries! There's things you don't tell guys with girlfriends, or in general guys at all! You, Miss Lady, are NOT allowed to become that comfortable with him. Only *I* can be that comfortable with him, because only *I* am his girlfriend of over a year and only *I* should have that connection with him. So like it or not, I'm allowed to hate you for a little bit, because since I heard it's been nagging me a little more every day. Obviously someone never taught you these boundaries but guess what, they exist. I'm sure if you did eventually start dating who you're supposed to be, someone who is single and who, more importantly, is also not -->*MY*<-- boyfriend, they wouldn't be too happy with you just spreading all your personal and bodily information to every guy you happen to talk to.
So I'm just going to hate you a little bit until you go away. Until you're not the new, exciting thing for him to pay attention to. The sooner you go, the less I'll hate you. And trust me, I'm allowed to hate you, because I'm quick to protect what's mine and you're pushing it, Miss Lady.

English Class

you talk about poetry
like you know me
i mean, yeah it's been a while
and I never was one for writing
a ballad or sonnet
always just let the words flow
reaaaal low
and now they tell me it's free verse
and yeah, they get it,
they get these moods
but you and your
"rhyming scheme"
you and your
"structure."
you say that makes you a
"real poet."
what about me, homie?
these words, these emotions?
they're not poetry?
I never claimed to rap
never claimed to be black
but I ran this course long ago
was a poet in my soul
and it hasn't left me
you won't get the best of me.
so fuck you and your
"rules"
i still got my soul, my rhythm
MY poetry
don't talk about me
like you know me.

Out! Get it out! GET IT OUT!

Oooh you sly, clever little bitch you. You think you can infiltrate your way back in but I'll let you in on a little secret... I'm close enough to you to tear your fucking heart out. You lost your chance and as long as I'm here I'll do my damned best to make sure you don't get it back. I'm a spiteful little bitch and I hate what you've done. Don't test me.