1. Every love song ever is about me.
If there's just one chord, one lyric, one amazing sounding harmony in a song, then it is quite obviously about me and my love life. If this supposed love song does not strike a chord with me, then it is obviously inadequate and not truly a love song. "Need You Now" was totally about me, despite what Lavina and the video both say. "Lucky" was ruined for me when a couple I didn't agree with sang it at the local fair, even if I hadn't seen my significant other yet. Absolutely ruined because how could they know? It wasn't about them at all, stupid fucks.
2. Every conversation MUST tie back into my love life.
Raise your hand if you've talked to me in the past month and haven't heard me bring up Javan. See this metaphorical absence of people raising their hands? Yes. Because no matter what, the only thing that's ever on my mind is who I happen to be seeing. This time last year, if you told me you were from the South, "Oh my boyfriend lives in the south." Now, you tell me you ate a fish taco? "Oh the guy I'm sort of seeing does commercial fishing. You ever seen Deadliest Catch? his cousin is on that. Yeah he's a sweetheart... (etc.)" NOTHING could be possibly more interesting to talk about than whoever I've set my sights on. That's just the way it is.
3. Fuck this food in the kitchen.
If you're not going to make me a gourmet meal with whatever is in the kitchen, we HAVE to go buy already prepared food, or hit a restaurant. I have wasted thousands of dollars buying food because the thought of putting together a sandwich with whatever's in the kitchen sounds like a SHIT TON more work than wasting the gas to go to Fred Meyer's and get one of the most delicious fucking wraps ever made for man. The ONLY time I willingly get food out of the kitchen without pacing it realizing I have no cash and no gas is when there's leftovers from the last jaunt to a restaurant with a friend because fuck making mac and cheese, i'm going to spend thirty bucks on a quesa-fucking-dilla at chili's.
4. I'm terrible at hanging out consistently.
The only person who's never experienced this is probably Chelsea. Because I fucking live with her. But aside from constantly being in my same living space, chances are you've gone at least two months barely hearing from me. Not that I'm trying to be such a shitty friend, I just suck at keeping contact with people until all of a sudden realize I really fucking need to see Lavina and go to Glow Putt right now or I'm going to die. Or one of those drives with Emily where we're both like "why do we never hang out?" Or how I only see Hannah when I'm with Lavina which SUCKS because I LOVE Hannah. Or how the only reason I see Keber as often as I do is because He makes an effort to hang out with me. Which is strange because of all my friends he's the one who never says "I REALLY want to hang out with you!" And I've tried to remedy this habit - but then I get busy with work, school, boy, or nothing is more enticing than sitting on this couch and staring off into space. Idk. I just suck as a friend, really. I'm lucky I have the friends I do.
And as a bonus, when I see that certain friends have done this or that together, I get REALLY jealous that I didn't get to go. Which is shitty. Jealousy as a whole is absolutely shitty and I'm the most jealous person I know.
5. I'm an awful texter
Unless I want to jump your bones, chances are you sent me a text two days ago and I don't even know I got it, or if I did, I said I'd answer later to myself and then forgot about it. Not that I'm trying to ignore you, like I said, I'm just a shitty friend, I guess.
BONUS NUMBER SIX: I have a TERRIBLE addiction to facebook. Don't even need to explain this one.
Yup... Lol this was amusing. :)
ReplyDelete