this stomach will be GONE by July 16th. I will exercise, I will eat right, I will do whatever it takes to have it ABSOLUTELY PERFECT by the time I turn 20. I can't deal with this self hatred any longer. I can't go shopping and see all the cute clothes that fit funny or don't fit at all around this absolute monstrosity. I just can't fucking take it anymore!! It hurts getting in the shower and seeing it and thinking to myself "holy fuck... how much longer do I have to deal with this?" in the past month i've lost a pant size which is great but I know I can push myself more and I've had it. The minute I get home, no more junk food, no more excuses I'm going to the gym every day. I just can't hate myself over this any more.
*INSERT PICTURE OF MY UNEVEN BOOBS HERE*
(i removed the picture because it really doesn't need to be on the internet. but if you've never noticed, one's a D and one's a DD. it's embarrassing as fuck)
I'm hoping that losing weight will even these puppies out but if not, then I'm having corrective surgery by the time I'm 21. These are my two biggest insecurities and it bothers me that I've recently let a guy get in my pants but I won't let him see me topless. What kind of fucked up is that? Maybe it's vain to worry about cosmetics but I refuse to be self conscious about what should make me feel absolutely sexy - because either size would be great to have!! I wouldn't mind going to the smaller size - all of my bras actually fit that one anyways!! So I'm unapologetically going to get cosmetic breast surgery if weight loss doesn't fix this issue. These are my two biggest flaws, my two biggest insecurities and I refuse to let them not let me feel sexy any longer.
That being said, I have to give myself some love. And if I'm going to give myself some love you know I've got to love my hair. It's fantastic. It's so rarely done me wrong even when I've used and abused it. It has it's days where it doesn't want to cooperate but don't we all? I don't think I've ever had a truly bad hair cut in my life. Hair cuts (and perms) I didn't particularly like have happened numerous times, but never once has my hair said "Fuck you, Ashleigh. I'm going to look like shit until I grow out and you can cut me differently." or "Fuck you, Ashleigh, I'm going to look like shit no matter how you style me. Why don't you just give up?"
Continuing with the self love we get to MY favorite part of my body - My feet. I have amazingly adorable feet. They're cute, even if you don't like feet. And the little freckle on the middle toe of my left foot - it's absolutely, undeniably my favorite thing about my body. It's so freakin CUTE, I don't even know what to do with myself. Sometimes my feet get a little rough because I don't like to wear shoes in the summer and I go a few months without a pedicure but they unfailingly make me smile. They've never been to fat, they've never been too bony, I have clearly defined ankles and sometimes my toes move at just the right angle to make my veins appear in a very flattering light. So I love them, whether you think they're gross or not, and I always will.
No comments:
Post a Comment