Read Thought Catalog obsessively, sharing particularly heart-wrenching pieces on Facebook or Twitter and being comforted by the fact that you are not alone, there are girls just as ridiculously, stupidly in love. Emphasis on stupid.
http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/dating-an-emotionally-abusive-man/
I just want to know what part of me demands that I long for something so out of reach yet dancing so mercilessly within my vision. It's the texts every night that make me feel spoiled because I wasn't supposed to be able to talk to him - and then the heart wrenching agony that he didn't say goodnight tonight and it's been five days (FIVE!) since he's told me he missed me. But then he expresses how badly he wants to see me... But no matter what he says there's the reality that it's all me - that I'm investing too much stock in this almost-nothingness because really, what could we be? That hook-up every time we're in the same city? A potential reconnection years from now? An affection that sideswept me and left me incapacitated for months, but in five years I'll have barely any recollection of?
goddamnit it may be wrong and it may be stupid and entirely reckless and it may bring me wayy to much grief and it may be the exact reason my heart shatters in a month or two or three, but I refuse to just let go. and if I could tell you why I refuse to let go I wouldn't be writing this trying to justify it to myself. this is not what I'd ever wish upon myself, or anybody, but this is what I'm going through and this is where I'm standing strong - I'm walking this path, right or wrong, because no other path feels right.
fuck it. if i can't explain why i'm doing it then fuck it. just realize this: no matter what you say, i'm blazin down this path. fuck consequences, i'm doin it.
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