There was one point that I had the perfect friend, in everyone.
Emily was there to keep me entertained at work. To laugh with me and make random plans with me. Sean was there to be my backbone. Jessy was there to help me get through the hard times. Lavina was there to laugh with, and eat subway with, and gossip about our boyfriends with. It was the perfect summer. I had freedom, I had love, I had my friends.
I had Adam.
He's become such a big part of me. He's my best friend. He's my worst enemy. He's my biggest supporter and my worst critic. I'm not explaining this right... He is actively my best friend. Actively my biggest supporter.
He's the one I can't let down because he's got the most stake in me. With Adam I have a best friend and a lover. With Adam I have someone who completes me, by being there. We spend hours upon hours on the phone. Most of the time, we're doing our seperate things. We're not even talking. But we're there for each other, in case any one of us has something we want to say.
I don't think of myself without him. Every decision I make is made with him in mind. My actions revolve around his reactions.
I have everything I could possibly need in Adam.
But I missed my friends. I disconnected with them, because I was giving my all to Adam. Not a bad thing, you say? But what about the other people I cared about. When did it become so easy to stop caring? To not want to see anybody else because I was going to talk to Adam tonight anyways? I missed them something terribly. So I reconnected. With all of the aforementioned people....
....Except Lavina. This is to you, Lavina.
I still miss you. The complete and honest reason as to why I haven't tried to reconnect with you is because 1) i don't know how. 2) I don't know what you think of me anymore. 3) We've both changed. I'm afraid of us hanging out again being awkward.
I want to go see a scary movie with you and laugh at how stupid poeple are being. I'd invite you over, except my home has absolutely nowhere for any of my friends to watch a movie, uninterrupted.
I want to go eat some Subway and talk... But it's been so long since we've talked... I don't remember where we left off last.
Please don't take this the wrong way... But sometimes it felt like it wasn't easy to maintain our friendship... So I stopped trying. But I want to try again. It was easier when we went to school together. When I could walk into Lathrop in the mornings and fall back asleep on your shoulder. Or your leg. When we could trade looks in our group of friends, and I could see my thoughts on your face.
But where do I start from here? How do I get my friend back?
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