Fantasy in Real Life.

I've lived a pretty rational life.
Don't get me wrong - I have some amazing, ideallistic ideas.
But I've always had that voice in the back of my head saying, it's not going to happen like this... This is what's really going to happen. This is real life. And guess what? Real life, it ALWAYS happens. Like, I wanted to be a secret FBI agent when I was a kid. But I knew I'd probably do something more realistic. Like teach. So instead of playing agent, I played teacher.
This side of me is why it's been a week and I've been able to be okay. I know I'm going to be fine. Things will get better over time. I know this all.
But you, you were my one fairytale come true. I met somebody and I fell in love. And you loved me back. You didn't just like me for a couple weeks and decide I was to insane for you, you embraced my insanity and loved me. ME. Of all people. Who was single almost all through high school. Who thought she'd never find someone who thought her beautiful inside and out. So the fact that you were doing something that was completely irrational and actually sweeping me off my feet blew my mind. You were my romantic comedy, my guy that I fell so head over heels in love with that I flew across the country to be with. You were my ideal fantasy in real life. The two have never coincided before.
So it's some combination of all these facts that lead me to believe that we're going to be together in the long run. I've had these fantasies that you flew to Alaska to be with me, that this dating Heather thing that you're doing was a joke, that this whole time I've been dreaming and I'll wake up in the morning. I've had these fantasies - and that little voice is saying "it's not really happening. that's never going to come true." Just like it's always said. But when I think to myself that you're going to miss me, and you're going to ask to be with me again, the little voice nods his head in agreement. My little, 100% rational voice, that I've always trusted, is telling me it's true. And for 19 years, he hasn't been wrong. So yeah, I'm going to be okay. Because we're going to be okay. You're going to realize that you love me too much to have just let me go.
But see, I'm confused.
Why hasn't it happened yet?
I mean, I guess it only has been a week. And I've been breathing just fine with out you. Don't get me wrong, I miss you like hell. And I know I still love you, and that I'll always love you. But I guess you're just too distracted to see that. To see that she'll never, ever love you like I love you. It'll never be the same as us. Because you and I have what it takes to make it. She's just a home wrecker. You're too immature to understand what she is. But you'll grow up. You're going to be an amazing man, once you do. I just know it. And if we don't get back together (if you've finally convinced that little voice of something other than the truth), then I'll still be okay. I suppose. People move on from heartbreak all the time. Notice how no one says they recover? Just move on? As for you, I hope you accomplish your dreams. I hope you join the Marine Corps as an officer, I hope you love your military career, and I hope your home is full of every gun you ever wanted. I wish you all the happiness in the world. I can't hate you anymore.

I can't hate you anymore...

What a concept. I think your "relationship" with Heather is garbage, and I want to tear her fucking eyes out, skin her while she's alive and pull every muscle from her bone by hand, but I can't hate you anymore. Even after what you've done. You've successfully broken my heart, and I'm in the process of putting these puzzle pieces back together. My heart, it'll never be the same. The cracks will heal, fill with scar tissue, and those scars, those lines over my heart will always belong to you. I don't think I would change that. I wouldn't change anything that has happened for the world. And I honestly mean that.

I love you, and it doesn't hurt me to say it. It's just fact. It's just a statement that will be true for forever. I may no longer be IN love with you, but I was. It was the greatest first experience of my life.

So when you realize how much you still love me, I'll be here. And I'll listen. I love you enough to work with you. I'm done with being angry, so I can't honestly say I wouldn't take you back. I've never honestly said I wouldn't take you back. It'd take time, it'd take effort. You'd have to show interest in rebuilding my trust in you. But I'll be here.