Oh Winter's Stale Air.

There comes a point where Ashleigh disappears.
It's like my body realizes how much daylight is missing.
Darkness is one of those things that can always be conquered by light. Stuck in a dark room? Overpower the darkness with a flashlight. Too much light? The only way to get rid of it is to remove it. There's no amount of darkness that can overpower light.
Except in Fairbanks, Alaska.
Here in the winter months, it's like a never ending forcefield of cold and depression that battles with light for 4 hours a day and the light is so exhausted from kicking ass in June that the darkness always wins. And the darkness is ALWAYS around. And it's cold. And you're not eating as much as you should because you're too stressed and busy. And you have finals and your boyfriend breaks up with you and the tires on your car go flat twice and your car payments are going up forty dollars a month because you have to refinance the damn thing so that you can afford to pay for school next semester.
Here in the summer months, it's totally different. It's light all the time and pure darkness never really happens, it just tries to show up but is wayy to weak and you're not eating as much as you should because you're too busy loving life and being active and your boyfriend breaks up with you and you learn about the fun of drinking and your only class is photography and you meet a ton of new people and you find new passion for life and it's your birthday and you can drive around with no fucking roof or doors on your car and you're having the kind of fun everyone dreams of having in highschool and you're an adult so you don't even get in trouble for it and real school is just a distant memory or too far away to think about and you're carefree and you love life and you don't have to try.
But sadly it's only wintertime right now. Which just puts everything in a different perspective I guess. It's wintertime and I'm alone in this cubicle of a dorm room that I share with another (admittedly amazing) person and half of the people I had fun with this summer are gone and it's hard to schedule time with the other half and the new people I met are hanging out with my ex boyfriend and my roommate right now and I'm sorry but  it's just a little too close for comfort to ask to tag along and IT'S PITCH FUCKING BLACK OUTSIDE AND BLACK IS ONLY A GOOD COLOR WHEN USED MODERATELY AS EYELINER OR A REALLY SEXY DRESS. AND THE WINDOW SAYS HAPPY HOLIDAYS BUT IT'S SO FUCKING DARK OUTSIDE THAT IT'S JUST DEPRESSING.




THE DARKNESS IS PISSING ME OFF. IT IS MAKING ME WANT TO TAKE A BUNCH OF HAPPY LIGHTS AND PLUG THEM IN AN AREA OUTSIDE AND JUST LET IT WARM UP SO MUCH THAT I CAN PUT ON A TANK TOP AND SHORTS AND BE LIKE


"hey winter, if i could write you a song and make you fall in love i would already have you up under my arm. i used up all of my tricks, i hope that you like this. but you probably won't.
you think you're cooler than me."