Ahh, if there's one emotion that flares to easily and violently in me, it's jealousy. It's enough to make me want to inflict sincere pain on someone (usually the 100 lb super skinny blonde floozy with perfect skin, make-up, and that happy smile on her fucking face because she's being held by the "perfect boy") I've never even met. I kind of want to ruin her pretty in the most irreversible way.
And sometimes it's not even jealousy over looks or romance. Sometimes it's that girl I sometimes call my best friend being called "Kiddo" by my mother or "Meg" by my boys. She's not even here anymore, and I love her to death, but sometimes I want the validation that her place and my place aren't so easily interchangeable. And sometimes when I feel that we are interchangeable, I want to break her fucking arm.
And, very rarely, it's jealousy over someone else being friends with my friends. I don't share easily, and I never have. It either takes a lot of warming up or a lot of them making me laugh to accept someone new into my friend's circle. And a couple of my circles never mix for the fear of me falling out and losing both circles.
I guess it makes sense that since I know exactly what causes it and exactly how I react, it'd be easy for me to fix. To calm down and not overreact. But we already know I'm a passionate person. And that passion doesn't limit itself to arising only when I'm happy. And I've been unsuccessful in stopping it, ever.
*Sigh.*
Sometimes emotions are just too much.
WWWWOOOOWWWW (not I used extra letters just for you.) Someone is a bit aggravated lol. Love you and remember you are not replaceable, and you are not going to lose friends just because your friends meet someone new and like them too. You are great and if a friend ignores or replaces you with someone else than they were not that great of a friend in the first place. You don't replace the ones you love you simply add to the collection.
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Chelsea
MOst people feel replaceable at some point and it's an EXTREMELY vulnerable position to be in. It pushes people to act out of character but the fact that you're recognizing this alone and as what is going on is actually a big deal. It means that IN TIME you'll be able to work out these emotions. Until then, hang in there and know that you're important.
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